I have read about people who have done it. Who haven't looked at the own reflection in over a year. Honestly I am not certain I could do it . . . I am not certain I could even go a week. It certainly isn't because I am arrogant . . . far from it when it comes to my appearance . . . but more because I am fearful of just how horrible I could look if I couldn't see to fix things.
That is the issue though . . . isn't it. So often when I look in the mirror I am disappointed and looking for ways to fix the reflection. There have been times . . . probably more than I would like to admit . . . that I have been horrified by what I see reflecting back at me.
I am not some hideous monster so why I am so fearful of my own reflection?
The mirror, and what I perceive looking back at me, is more often than not so very damaging to my self-esteem. I find myself critiquing everything I see . . . wishing I looked better . . . wishing I looked less like I do.
Does that mean that I am wishing I looked like a different person? Does that mean that the person my family sees and loves is not who I want to be?
I have given up the scale. Did you know that? I no longer step on the scale because, just like the mirror, the number reflected back at me had the power to destroy my self-confidence. It is astonishing to me how long I let that number hurt me.
Not stepping on the scale has actually given me more body confidence. That is not to say that I am going to throw on a bathing suit without some trepidation but I am more focused on the changes that actually matter. I have shifted my focus to ensuring that what I eat nourishes my body. I don't count calories but pay attention to what nutrients I am providing my body. You know what . . . somewhere along the line, my clothes started to fit better, I moved down a size in my jeans and I had the energy to make it through two of the most intense hours of my life while working towards my black belt.
Yet I still find myself crumpling under the strain of my own reflection. I wonder if I will ever be able to take back power from the mirror . . . as I have done from the scale.