Things have been rather quiet around here lately. It turns out that when things are good, my words don't come. It is when things are hard that I need to write, to empty my head, to try and understand the darkness lurking.
Things have been good. I have been happy, engaged and feeling light . . . for the most part.
I am writing tonight.
When things were really REALLY dark, I felt like so many people in my life had turned on me, that somehow I had done something to change our relationship. I made things that were not about me, about me.
For the past little while things have felt strange between a friend and I. I wondered about it, I talked to Brad about it but I decided not to make it about me. Turns out it actually was about me this time.
I don't know what happened yesterday, I don't know what happened at all but I was told that our friendship was over and that there was very little hope of salvaging it.
I have never been in a situation like this before. I am heartbroken. I am humiliated. I am confused.
Apparently there is a long list of reasons but one was that Brad and I are too negative. The funny thing is, I have been feeling so much more positive about life lately that this really shook me.
They probably have a point, to some extent. Being on the tv show turned out to be a very negative experience for us. It left us drained, strained and more than a bit shell shocked. I can see how we could be perceived as being negative.
The thing is, we are not in that dark place anymore.
So I am left here confused, mourning the loss of a friendship, the loss of people I considered family. I am trying to figure out what to tell my kidlets when they want to get together with their friends. How do I explain to my kids that our family is now fractured?