Things have been rather quiet around here lately. It turns out that when things are good, my words don't come. It is when things are hard that I need to write, to empty my head, to try and understand the darkness lurking.
Things have been good. I have been happy, engaged and feeling light . . . for the most part.
I am writing tonight.
When things were really REALLY dark, I felt like so many people in my life had turned on me, that somehow I had done something to change our relationship. I made things that were not about me, about me.
For the past little while things have felt strange between a friend and I. I wondered about it, I talked to Brad about it but I decided not to make it about me. Turns out it actually was about me this time.
I don't know what happened yesterday, I don't know what happened at all but I was told that our friendship was over and that there was very little hope of salvaging it.
I have never been in a situation like this before. I am heartbroken. I am humiliated. I am confused.
Apparently there is a long list of reasons but one was that Brad and I are too negative. The funny thing is, I have been feeling so much more positive about life lately that this really shook me.
They probably have a point, to some extent. Being on the tv show turned out to be a very negative experience for us. It left us drained, strained and more than a bit shell shocked. I can see how we could be perceived as being negative.
The thing is, we are not in that dark place anymore.
So I am left here confused, mourning the loss of a friendship, the loss of people I considered family. I am trying to figure out what to tell my kidlets when they want to get together with their friends. How do I explain to my kids that our family is now fractured?
Jenn
I'm so sorry - it's so hard, especially when the entire family has connected.
ReplyDeleteLike all things, time will heal. There us no simpler way to put it- it sucks . Sorry you're feeling this way
ReplyDeleteConnie
Oh sweetheart, how awful! I know it sounds glib but please view it as their loss. I cant help but think a true friend would never act in such a way, it just sounds too heartless a thing to do to someone you should love.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. So terrible. I've been going through a similar separation of sorts. I've really struggled with their disinterest in forging a new relationship in this new chapter of our lives - was our former friendship not worthy of giving it another shot? Hopefully you find people who *let* you be in this new place, who don't define you in terms of the "negativity" that you were enduring. Thanks for writing this - it's such a hard topic. "Humiliated" is such a perfect word, which then is naturally followed by the worst of them all... ashamed.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Jenn. I know how you feel, and it sucks. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteMark has probably just lost someone he felt was his best friend for about 30 years. His friend is an addict and that is a BIG added complication. Still, it hurts. I lost a friend when my right eye started having problems. She just couldn't handle it. And it hurt.
ReplyDeleteEven if someone feels you're too negative, if they really care about you, shouldn't they maybe want to help you be more positive? It's so frustrating when someone can't see positive changes you're making in your life and continue to hold on to the way you were. Friends should give friends room to grow and change.
I really hope this isn't your beloved neighbors.....