So these past two weeks have been rather challenging . . . which does fit into my focus for 2013 but not quite in the way I had envisioned when I picked that to be my word of the year.
Friendships ended, children sick, vehicles breaking down and two very terrifying drives home in terrible weather have left me exhausted and anxious. Add to that a rather negative note highlighting the many ways Brad and I have failed as parents and people and I find myself standing at the edge of the rabbit hole and I am teetering.
Other people's words filling head, making me question each and every move I made as a parent. Was I raising brats? Was I failing my kids? Am I the worst parent in the history of parenting?
At this point it would be amazing if I could say that I have banished those negative thoughts and I know that I am doing the best that I can for my kids and that is more than good enough. It really would be amazing but it is not the case.
Those words are still in my head, they are still bouncing around and they still hurt.
We are not perfect parents. My kids are far from perfect. Perfection should not the goal though. Meeting the expectations of others should not be our focus.
When did the opinions of others become more important than what my heart tells me?
My heart tells me that my kids are happy and that more often than not, they are genuinely kind. I see them caring for their friends and including those who may not get included. My heart tells me that my kids know how much they are loved and know that they are accepted for who they are and who they will be.
The struggle now is finding faith in myself and getting the words of others out of my head.