Tuesday, 21 August 2012

The Grass is Greener

Today I found myself staring longingly, with more than a wee bit of envy, as my friend drove off from daycare with her singleton.  You see, I was still struggling to get my second born wrangled into his car seat and things were not going well. Meanwhile, her daughter had hopped into her car seat and off they went to start their evening together and I was still in the hot parking lot . . . after a long day . . debating with a two year old the merits of not having mommy arrested for not using the proper restraints while the musical sounds of a whiny hot four year old acted as the soundtrack.

Some days having just one seems like a little bit of heaven.  Don't get me wrong, I love with second born little man with such a passion that is amazes me but there are days when it appears that having just one seems oh so much easier.

Imagine it for a moment . . . no fighting over who touched who . . . less demands for attention . . .the joy of having to wrangle only kidlet into a car seat . . . sigh . . .the bliss.

During the early days of Little Man's life, as I slipped farther and farther into the darkness, I found myself wondering if I had made a huge mistake . . . perhaps having two was the biggest mistake of my life.  I was overwhelmed trying to balance each of their demands.  I struggled to make certain that each of their needs were met as soon as possible.  I felt stretched in all directions and I felt like I was failing each of them.

These feelings don't come as often as they used to but there are days when the grass truly does seem greener on the other side. 

Of course, there are also days when I know for certain that having two was the best decision we made.  They are each others best friends.  The Little Man desperately wants to be just like his big sister.  Little Miss loves nothing more than cuddling with her baby brother and driving him nuts mothering him. 

They have each other and my hope for their future is that they will remain as close as they are now . . . at least the majority of the time!


  1. Sigh. My daughter is 15 and my son will soon be 11 and I still have those feelings. I have said on more than one occasion that if he had been the first born, there would not have been a second one.
    My daughter is easy going, relaxed (apart from a little teenage drama) and it's always been like that. My son? Well, he did nor sleep through the night until he was almost four, there is always something and he's always against everything, especially any parenting moves on my part.
    Sigh. I always feel bad for having those feelings and my own mother has always told me that I'm just too selfish, but how are you supposed to take care of your kids when you don't take care of yourself?
    Of course, just like your kids, my kids love each other and take care of each other. Through all the fighting, they always stick up for each other and stand by each other.
    You are definitely not alone in this :)

    1. I completely agree with you, you have to take care of yourself or it is impossible to truly care for your children!

      It is always nice to know that I am not alone. :)

  2. It is great that you can express yourself honestly here. There was a time when women wouldn't dare...we are lucky in that we can find community through sharing our feelings. I do not miss those days like you describe with my two, but I do miss being able to pick them up. They are now 12 and 13 and the mental energy involved in orchestrating events such as carpooling...whew. Everything is questioned, they can tell when I'm simply "full of it"...I don't know if I'm even articulating anything succinct here. Enjoyed the post. Nice little snapshot of a day in the life. ;) Hang in.

    1. Oh yes, I love when I tell my kiddos not to do something or they could get hurt (such as eat while laying down and then possibly choking) and they tell me that that just won't happen. Sigh, it would be nice to know everything as well. :)

  3. I was an only child. I got lots of attention, butninwas also bored all the time. I hope to have two of my own if I'm lucky enough to choose. Yes, two kids is somehow at least three times as much work, but still a nice companion.

  4. My two older boys are 20 months apart. They have always swung wildly from close buddies to separate-them-to-opposite-corners-of-the-universe. But when it counts, they have each other's back. This was proven at least once in the last six months.

    I don't really remember too much about the early months, and certainly have no memories about seatbelt wrangling, but I had bad PPD after #2. My "normal" OCD flared up after #1 but otherwise I was coping. PPD is not the only reason there is an 8 year gap between #2 and #3, but it's certainly one of them. And both older boys love their toddler sister to bits, even though at times she drives them crazy, too. The number of times I've had that same thought - what if I had only had one... or stayed at two... or none at all... and then realised I can't imagine life any other way. I think all of it is a variation on completely normal. And like you, I live in hope that they will all stay close as they get older, even with fluctuations in that closeness.

  5. Yeah, I feel like that, too. Even now, with the big two in school, life seems a little easier with just the little two. Of course, I took them to Walmart on Tuesday and was a cranky mess by the end of the trip. It would have been a lot easier with just one! BUT. I came from a family of six, and while it was never easy (even for me, as one of the kids), it was always home. I couldn't imagine my life as an only child, and I believe my kids will feel that way, too. And now I'm all teary, missing my brother. SIGH.


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