Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Kids Are Amazing Because They Just Know

Have you ever had one of those day . . . or perhaps weeks  . . . maybe even months . . . where life just pisses you off?  You know those days where the predominate emotion running through you shifts from close to tears to wanting to tear a strip off of anyone and everyone. 

That is me . . . right now as I write this I am a hot motherload of mess and all because I thought that switching meds to stop the expansion of my ass was a good idea.  Turns out I was wrong!  Well okay, that might be a wee bit rash but it feels right at the moment and I am all about feeling dramatic at this time.

Wow, the anxiety is totally kicking my ass and dragging me down to a place I haven't been in a while.  Focus and concentration . . . what were those again?!  Calmness and patience . . .  vaguely familiar ideals. 

After some stomping, barking and totally not being a very nice version of me I cracked after snapping at the little guy and I sank to the floor with tears streaming from my eyes.  Holding open my arms I held both of my kidlets, saying over and over again how sorry I was and explaining that mommy wasn't feeling good and  was not reacting the way I should or the way I wanted to. 

I was being crushed by guilt when something amazing happened.  Little Miss just looked at me in the eye and said "It's okay Mommy.  Please don't cry.  We love you.  We know how much you love us."

Forgiveness and understanding from my 4 year old.  No matter how many times I feel like I mess up, she loves me.  More than anything, she wants her mommy to be happy, like she is.

This post was inspired by Kimberly, one of the bravest most amazing bloggers I have been honoured to read.  Go and visit her.


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Jenn

10 comments:

  1. This post gave me tears, I think many People can relate to this.
    Hopelessness is a terrible feeling, I find If I get agitated about something, or something particularily stressful happens, I become vague and cranky, it's like your brain switches off for a bit and everything becomes an effort, including the background noise from the kids, it makes me snappy and feel overwhelmed, and then of course, next comes the guilt.
    it's really frustrating.
    Thanks for sharing it xxxx

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  2. This was exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I am just getting drained by the bedtime routine.

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  3. I am so sorry. That's the beauty about our children...they love unconditionally no matter. You are such a good mama and they know that you are. They have a sense when we are not well and they are so nurturing.
    Hug those babes.
    You're doing a wonderful job. Promise you that.
    xoxo

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  4. This makes me cry. Your kids DO love you, and they know how much you love them. You are human, and that's ok. Deep breaths. Grounding strategies. Mindfulness. And above all, forgiveness. FOrgive yourself Jenn. You are an amazing mom. Everything will be ok.

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  5. I can so relate to this. This has been me so many times in the past two years that I can't count. Thankfully those beautiful creatures we created are full of forgiveness. They seem to see through our darkness.
    And as for Kim? I love her big time.

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  6. You are a wonderful mother, faults and all, and your kiddos know this. Hang in there.

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  7. Instead of months, how about years?
    Wait, I mean...

    ;/

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  8. That's so awesome! My AJ has been known to that too. He really doesn't like to see me cry.

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  9. Hi there, just shows you how perspective kids are, they understand so much more than we give them credit for... Hope you get your meds sorted..

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  10. Oh my God, what a treasure Little Miss is! I always feel guilty when I am inflicting my own anger, anxiousness etc onto H but damn its hard to avoid some days! We are only human and if your daughter is anything to go by, they still love us anyway xx

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Ah connecting is a grand thing!