Have you ever had one of those day . . . or perhaps weeks . . . maybe even months . . . where life just pisses you off? You know those days where the predominate emotion running through you shifts from close to tears to wanting to tear a strip off of anyone and everyone.
That is me . . . right now as I write this I am a hot motherload of mess and all because I thought that switching meds to stop the expansion of my ass was a good idea. Turns out I was wrong! Well okay, that might be a wee bit rash but it feels right at the moment and I am all about feeling dramatic at this time.
Wow, the anxiety is totally kicking my ass and dragging me down to a place I haven't been in a while. Focus and concentration . . . what were those again?! Calmness and patience . . . vaguely familiar ideals.
After some stomping, barking and totally not being a very nice version of me I cracked after snapping at the little guy and I sank to the floor with tears streaming from my eyes. Holding open my arms I held both of my kidlets, saying over and over again how sorry I was and explaining that mommy wasn't feeling good and was not reacting the way I should or the way I wanted to.
I was being crushed by guilt when something amazing happened. Little Miss just looked at me in the eye and said "It's okay Mommy. Please don't cry. We love you. We know how much you love us."
Forgiveness and understanding from my 4 year old. No matter how many times I feel like I mess up, she loves me. More than anything, she wants her mommy to be happy, like she is.