Thursday, 23 June 2011
So yeah . . . well hum
I am not in a funny, cute kind of mood . . . I haven't been since Tuesday. I am not horribly down, I am just quiet . . . in one of those moods where I have very little to say to those around me. And so I say very little.
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past couple of days. This is not always a good thing. I can be a wee bit of an over-analyzer . . . I have a tendency to over-think things . . . and I have been known to stew to the point of not being able to sleep. I spent pretty much my entire third year of university doing just that . . . it was a tiring year.
Last night I laid in bed, listening to an incredible thunder storm, thinking about how to get back to a place where I am happy and content the majority of the time. I must admit, I considered upping my pills or just asking to go all out and give Prozac a shot but that wouldn't be actual happiness and I am not at the point anymore where the artificial stuff will do. I want to be a happy fun person again. I want to be someone that I would want to spend time with.
I need to stay at my job, at least for now, because it is the responsible thing to do. Brad does have something that will start in the fall but it is contract and thus will have to be renewed each year. My job provides our family with benefits . . . a huge bonus given that while in daycare the kids manage to pick up a variety of wonderful germs. Oh yes, and let us not forget that I make use of said benefits when I refill my happy coping pills prescription.
I will also continue to keep my eyes open for new opportunities. Who knows what might be around the corner or down the street. I will continue to work on this space. Who knows, maybe one day this space will become so much more than what it is now. A new start.
I have started a new project here at work that I am hoping will become something special . . . something new to focus on and be proud of. I realize that I will not likely receive any positive feedback on this project from anyone here but it is something that I have been pondering for a long time. Now is the time to see if I can make it work.
What ways have you coped when life has placed you in a situation that you cannot leave but must learn to live with? Did you built up walls? Or did you find another way to be open to the way things are?
Labels: Life or something like that