Things have been . . . odd . . . for me lately. I am feeling burnt out, discouraged and very unfocused. Strange, sudden bouts of anxiety keep visiting me and I have found myself fixated on rather superficial "issues".
The way I am at the moment is draining the joy from my life and that is not how I want to live.
If I stand back and look at my life from an observers point of view, I would see that I have two amazing examples of living the life that I want. My kids are the best example of how to be the person I want to be. They feel with all their heart and when their experience joy it is fully and completely.
The thing is, they also intuitively know that joy comes from the truly simple things. Whether it be the discovery that they have outgrown their summer clothes, which means that they are growing and getting bigger is the ultimate goal for them, or the promise of a trip to the cottage . . . these kids find an abundance of things to feel joy about daily.
If I could learn to embrace their love of self . . . or as the little guy happily points out "I like me" . . . so much anxiety would fall away. The fact that my skin looks like a 14 year olds' or the house is cluttered and not all that organized does not matter if I stop looking at these "issues" through a lens of how I think others see them.
I like to let my kidlets know that they are my two most favourite kiddos in the world. Often when we cuddle in bed at night, I take that time to let them know how happy and proud I am to have them as my kids. I try and highlight some amazing things about them such as their kindness or just how hard they work.
The other night . . . well technically really early morning . . . the little guy sat up in bed and gave me his "Mommy, we cuddle" command. As he snuggled in, he quickly said to me "You are the best mommy in the world". Not only was he completely adorable but he hammered in a point that I need to understand . . . to my family I am doing my very best and they see that and they are grateful for that.
Little Miss went out of her way on Mother's Day to tell me over and over again how much she loves me and that I am her "Most favourite mommy in the world". She takes the time to let me know that I am a "good cooker" and that she is proud that I ran that 5K. My kids could care less how I look in a bathing suit, they just feel intense joy when we go swimming. My kids don't care if the house is messy and cluttered, they focus on the fun that was had that created the mess.
What a freeing notion . . . that all those things that cause me stress and crush me with anxiety are simply not even on my children's radar because they see the person I am and they love that person.
So to anyone out there that finds themselves paralyzed by self-doubt and anxiety . . . step back and look at yourself through the eyes of a child . . . that is the truest reflection of who you are. Apparently I am pretty amazing.